Saturday, 27 December 2014

Under Construction

Late August, beginning September we had that surprise second blue line. 
That blue line we weren't sure whether to be happy or fearful. 
This of course being the calm before the scary storm...would it all work out okay?
Only it was just that a storm, the inevitable stomach cramps arrived. Then the rest.
No feeling just numb, my 4th miscarriage, our 5th loss. 
At under 12 weeks, barely 6 I expected nothing more. 
I felt nothing. 
I guess a strange sense of normality..
"Here we go again"
My heart broke for Melody anything less for me...brings me nothing but numbness.



The weeks came by everything went back to normal, then I had that feeling again, again missing something important.
A stronger blue line, thick black wording
"Pregnant 1-2"
I needed to ignore it, I needed to some how escape it, it would never last.
 The weeks went by, in a whirlwind of midwife meetings.
Then the Hyperemesis Gravardium - HG arrived (and has stayed). 
Unable to keep food and drink in, a hospital visit for 6 litres of fluid, 
and an early scan revealing a little heart beat flickering away. 


Desperately hoping the HG would be worth it.

Living with HG has been awful this time, disabling almost, 
but one again at 12 weeks we see a bouncing wiggly little person, attempting to suck its thumb.

Unable to bond due to fear of losing it and HG has been hard work.
So here I am wanting to share my HG story...13+4 and very much counting. 
I hope you can hold my hand (& hair) while I do everything but bloom.







2 comments:

  1. Congratulations! I will keep you in prayer for this beautiful blessing!

    ReplyDelete